Urrggghhh....the hunt...is on....for a JOB!

Ok, so now that myself and mini man are settled into our new abode that is quite humble, he has started at daycare....3rd week now and not too many tears..YIPEEEEEE, gotten him a haircut and not too many tears...YIPEEEEE, worked out some sort of routine with ex for when he has mm stay over and not too many tears...YIPEEEEE (you get the picture)..Its now time people for me to get a da da da daaaaaaahhhhh... JOB!!!! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo, say it isnt so!! But alas it is so. God I need to get one, its been two years since I was in the world of talking to adults without mentioning cast changes of hi-5 and the wiggles or what nappies are best for night time piss ups...TWO YEARS I tells ya!!! where has that time gone? can a person who is 85cm tall and weigh 12.5kg really take up that much time??? YES they can. Dont get me wrong, mm is my main focus and my main job (if you can call it that..is that wrong?) and I love love love hanging out with him, and I have never loved anything so much in my life but, like I may have mentioned before...I like my sanity also and a bit of me time...(are we selfish for wanting me time? I feel guitly about wanting that sometimes) ...and a bit of extra cashola wouldnt hurt...oh and I need to pay bills, get some independence back and most importantly buy some boobs to replace the raisins that currently reside on my chest, bit of botox here and there...same old gripe that we all have really. So yes the hunt is on, Im on seek, have been to a few interviews that seem promising (and hopefully are) so we'll see.

To be honest I DONT CARE what I do...well thats a lie, I do care but thats a whole other post, I just need to get out there, specially now that mm is at daycare....yes I have two days to myself but to do what??..yes yes yes...clean the house, go for a jog, have a coffee with friends, catch up on jersey shore and ice loves coco, put a colour through my hair..actually there is a lot I could when I think about it.....BUT I really want to get back into my design and eventually have my own business that generates some sort of semblance to an income,...but god, thats scary, thats actually putting my design skills out there for everyone to see...and after two years Im pretty sure they have evaporated completely. No just a nice normal 9 -5 desk job (part time of course) is for me at the moment...something that I can breeze into, do my job (quite competently, professionally in a timely manner and all with a smile I might add :) breeze out of and then come home and work on my empire of fabulous fabrics in my spare time. Hmmmm perhaps a refresher course in photoshop and illustrator wouldnt go astray...but DOH... I need a job to pay for it. Why oh why wasnt I born a kardashian and get paid to do sweet FA. No its all good, I love job hunting, its the thrill of the chase and Im not going to take something that isnt right for me (which I am lucky to have that luxury I know) and likewise for the company potentially hiring me...if they think Im all sorts of wrong (which clearly Im not...if we are honest)  then its best I dont work there...it would just be a waste of time for all involved.

I went to a seminar on Monday night about blogging and the fabulous Kerri Sackville, www.lifeandothercrises.blogspot.com.au, was guest speaker...she made me feel normal in the chase for being successful at something, she is a wife, mother of 3, and has a rabbit, she has just released her latest book (she has two now), has an amazing blog, and twitter following of 5000 (I still dont even really know what twitter is) and she still feels overwhelmed, anxious and under the pump 24/7 and feels that she still hasnt succeeded, even though in my eyes and everyone elses too...she's made it..she is a HUGE success but do we ever realize it?...I know Im talking about just getting a job but I really want to be successful at something...yes I am a mother to the most gorgeous boy in the world and he is what I am most proud of but being successful at something that I created, that I did by myself, that some random person picks up and says 'wow thats cool'...thats what I want...I guess the bigger issue here is why?? why do I want that?? Oh god, that is a whole other post again....and I was only starting this one to talk about job hunting!!! Down the garden path we went..oops.

I cooooooked

I did it!!!! I finally cooked. Ive been on my own and in my new place for a month and a bit now and I finally christened the stove top! I mean I can cook, but for some reason it scares the sh*t out of me....Is it the flames of the gas burners, the oil in the pan swirling around...Ohhhh just realized it's the effing onions, I seriously cry like mini man having a meltdown every time. My eyes are actually still stinging two hrs later, time for a trip to spec savers maybe.

I only cooked spag bol but it is mighty tasty, well I cooked it for mini mans meals so hopefully he approves....he loved rearranging the plastic container drawer (do we still call it a tuppawear drawer..not sure?) while i was busy creating a mouthwatering masterpiece so that's a bonus. What will be my next gourmet meal....hmmm one could only wonder? I'm guessing spag Bol with a twist like oregano instead of mixed herbs....crazy right? I'm totally entering masterchef next year.

Meltdowns r us....

Meltdowns of the mini man kind. They are coming on thick and fast now (sounds a bit like labor...just as painful too). The first noticeable one in public was on mothers day, myself mini man and my mum went along to yum cha with my bro and his family.... The fun started as soon as we attempted to sit down. Tears tears tears, no way was he having any of this highchair bulls**t! Mini man normally salivates then devours every trolley in sight as soon as we step foot into yum cha...not this time. Plonked him in, attempted to say hello to everyone and try and hold normal 'what's been happening' convo's but bloody hell, it was like running a marathon dealing with mm's meltdown! There was nothing that I could produce in front of him that would calm his frazzled nerves, even lining up the cast of hi-5 in front him would have failed (hmmm..maybe not). Anyway after an hour of this I think we were all over it and packed up and went back to my bros house for a much needed cup of harden the f**k up. Now he was in his element, the poor little bugger, all he wanted was some familiar surroundings and the soothing sounds of a ukalalie! I mean who wouldn't. So what does one do in these situations of temper tantrums??? Quite frankly, you just deal with it best you can, try every trick in the book, and count the hours down to the next one ....which was this morning as I dropped mm off for his second week at kindy...not a happy camper...but this is life and it's amazing how you just get on with it, I mean I know there will be other major things to come along the way which will surely turn me prematurely grey but until then, I shall enjoy these lovely Meltdowns and deal with them as they come. Mm is staying at his dads for the first time tonight...yikes! Time to pass the fun of Meltdowns on to him for a bit me thinks. Hats off to all the mums and dads who have more than one meltdown to deal with at a time!

Mothers day...

So ex bought round a card, flowers a coffee and the newspaper this morning.... All from mini man of course. Was very sweet indeed, and made feel a bit special even though we aren't together. Is it weird that he did that? I mean we still love and care for each other very much buttt we have separated. I don't care, I think it was nice, and I mean it was really from mini man, not him. It even said so in the card......'love mini man and the girls' Mothers day though...what a scam, just like valentines day and Halloween, such a cynic aren't I. I'm sure the chrysanthemums bought for me were probably 50 bucks (mini man only has $12 in his piggy bank so not sure how he paid for them) and the Sunday paper marked up 100% but it's still sweet isn't it. Anyway happy mothers day to all the mums and to everyone else happy Sunday!

....bad mum?

Am I a bad mum for going with my son on his first day of kindy and ditching him an hour later for Zara? In my defense he is loving it SICK, so his teachers were encouraging me to go shop...i swear,well and no calls yet from them yet so I'm pretty sure he has forgotten who mum and dad are. Didn't hurt that we started the day off on a fully sick ferry ride either. Just about to go meet ex for lunch to fill in time till I pick mini man up after his sleep..... I could get used to this!! Oh yeah I have to get a job, booooo!

Oh my god...it's first day of school!!!

Can't believe it's already first day of kindy! Our little mini man is growing up so fast, as they do of course but it's still not real to me. Will be exciting I guess, especially knowing that I will have TWO full days to myself...(is it bad to have a feeling of freedom?) although I do plan on getting a job somewhere, but still. I'm just dreading that my mini man will be freaking out, although after one or two visits I'm sure he'll be right into it and motioning for me to just leave him at the front gate when we get there, that's what everyone keeps telling me. God I'm nervous though, it's in the big smoke, so will be catching a ferry and walking through the city to get to it, what if he gets a ciggie butt thrown in his face, or is subjected to lots of angry office workers on their blackberrys trying to sort their days s**t out?!?! Yikes....now I'm scared, I guess it's good for the sole and what doesn't break you makes you stronger, blah blah blah....at least going to a city one he'll learn to rough it with the best of them and figure out how to negotiate who should get what colour crayon etc, that's what I'm hoping for anyway. He'll be driving himself down to the ferry soon himself I'm pretty sure (he wishes anyway, obsessed with the car) ...that's just how much he'll love it...yep I'm sure of it...totally 100%.

A chef I am not...

How many cadbury favourites wrappers are in the empty wine glass? If you guessed 8 you would be right. This was desert after my delicious dinner of a weight watchers dinner last night....and you know what...it was delicious and Ill be buying them again. The sh*t thing is, is that it was so bloody tiny that I filled up on the equivalent of a huge chocolate bar afterwards by inhaling 8 mini favourites.

I am no chef I admit.....ex can attest to that also. If I have to cook I will, but to be honest Im just not into it...ESPECIALLY for one person. I know I know, I could be cooking for me and mini man, ie whatever I cook the night before, he has for lunch or dinner the next day...but I wouldnt do it to the poor thing. Dont get me wrong, I do cook him vegies and he has meat and fish etc, but its not fancy pants in the slightest...thank god he doesnt know any better, and thank god even more he never ate any of the delicious gourmet meals that his dad used to serve up for our dinner every night....cos if he did he too would be having major withdrawals. In saying that I have adjusted quite well to my cardboard box dinners, and my mum god bless her has cooked a months supply of lasagne and quiches to help me consume unwanted calories....sushi train and maccas is also round the corner.

A good friend once tried to get me into cooking about a year or so ago (my mum has tried to all my life), and I gave it a good go for about a week, surprising ex when he got home with...ta daaaaaa.....tacos (thats one dish I can serve up without people running to the bathroom afterwards) but there is only so many taco nights you can have in a week...and 4 out of 7 nights does not a good union make...hmmmm, maybe thats why Im finding myself now eating out of a cardboard box...maybe its just that I am lazy...but deep down I know its because Im scared of poisoning myself and mini man.....and that Im lazy. I always sucked at science and cooking to me is like a science...getting all the timings right, turning this on now, turning the heat down, flipping this, poking that, smelling and tasting everything....urrgh scary,.....and annoying...I mean I can follow recipes but that is so time consuming and um boring. But moving forward I am going to try and start to get into it a bit more...specially for mini mans sake...I think he is getting sick of his Rafferty's Garden pouches that I produce from the cupboard for every meal..IM KIDDING, its only every third meal maybe,,,,just to spice his three veg and meats up a bit. Its funny because I love watching masterchef and my restaurant rules, but I think I like watching that because of all the drama and bitchiness that goes along with it. I would SUCK if I worked in a commercial kitchen and the only way you would see me in there was if I was coming in to complain about a meal that I ordered (stand up for your rights people, specially in restaurants). I could wash the dishes quite happily but thats about it....anything else and you would see me cowering in the big commercial dishwashers.

A friend over in the UK has started making lovely cupcakes and they look ahhhhmazing, when she sent me a photo I actually accused her of getting the photo off google or something, but alas no, she assures me she mastered these all by herself (and the magic of instagram helped too apparently)...good on her and they are divine (see below) so maybe I could start off baking....although I really dont need all these sugary treats around the house especially since I am now single and trying to stay in tip top shape for the 100's of men lining up to date me, but I would much prefer to cook something pretty and give it away to an unsuspecting passerby. Another girlfriend who has moved to the south coast (whom Im hoping to visit very soon so she can give me lots of pointers on lots of lovely things, see her blog www.oursouthcoastyear.blogspot.com.au ) recently and has started a herb garden using all the lovely herbs in her meals etc, that is inspiring but I know I would just end up killing my herb garden or possums would eat it...but this is whole other entry, exciting as it sounds. I must stop rambling so mini man and I can do a big lovely grocery run to stock up on lean cuisines and Rafferty's pouches..(Im kidding nanny Chris..or am I?)